Anxiety

Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts: A book review

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Remember that song by Usher, “These are my confessions”??? Well here is my confession, it’s quite shocking…..I HATE TO READ. I really do. Even though I love to learn and find tremendous value in reading, I just don’t care for it (and don’t try and convince me to try audio books, because I just can’t absorb the information the same way in audio format!). But when this book by my hero, social worker and postpartum expert Karen Kleiman came out, I had to suck it up, purchase the book and dive in.

First a word about scary thoughts:

Most if not all new mothers will experience scary thoughts regarding the safety of their baby. These thoughts can be intrusive, vivid, and even violent at times, hence the name “scary thoughts”. These thoughts DO NOT mean that the mother is at risk of hurting her baby or herself. In fact, the distress caused by these thoughts, although quite unpleasant is a good sign to a therapist that the mother will not act on them. Unfortunately, moms are often terrified to share that they experience these thoughts for fear of being judged as “crazy” or even having their baby taken away.

The book is a great resource to provide education about these scary thoughts, normalize the experience and reduce the stigma around them. It is written in a lighthearted way with comics style illustrations depicting the types of secret scary thoughts moms experience while caring for their baby and in their everyday interactions.

In addition to the illustrations, the opposing pages have valuable information about what the thoughts mean, affirmations for moms, and even action steps for how to manage that particular thought or subject matter. The chapters address the different types of thoughts moms can have including general thoughts about motherhood, safety, the transition to parenthood, unsolicited advice from others, comparison, breastfeeding and much more.

Just because scary thoughts are common, what typically needs to be addressed in treatment is the distress that they cause. The book does a good job helping moms understand when and how to get help. The back of the book also has resources to access including helpful websites, how to find a trained therapist, and additional reading.

What I like about the book is that the information is delivered in small "bites”, which are much easier to digest, not just for a non-reader like me but certainly for a busy and overwhelmed new mom. The information, while covering a serious topic is presented with a lighthearted tone which helps it to be accessible to everyone who reads it. The book rings in at about twelve bucks and change on Amazon which comes in way under some of Kleiman’s other works.

I highly recommend this book for any mom. I think it would make a great baby shower or new mom gift. I’m a big fan of the adage “an ounce of prevention if worth a pound of cure”, so if a mom read this book before she experienced any scary or anxious thoughts she may be less likely to be blindsided by them and more likely to talk about them or reach out for help. I also think the book can be a tremendous resource for the partners, family, and others who support new moms.

If you or someone you know are having scary thoughts that are causing a lot of distress or interference in their life. It may be time to get some help. Feel free to reach out to me on the “Contact Me” page for more information.

And click here to order your copy of “Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts”.

Postpartum Depression: NOT Just the Baby Blues

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Having a baby is hard. Whether it’s your first or your fifth, the transition after bringing baby home can be challenging at best. And although that transition can come with a lot of emotional fluctuations, frequently referred to as the “baby blues”, Postpartum Depression is a whole other animal.

Frequently, when sitting across from a new mother in my office they share about their efforts to reach out for help. Maybe it’s to a family member, friend or medical provider (OB, Midwife or Primary Care Physician). What boggles my mind is how often they are told that what they are experiencing is “normal”. While unfortunately Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) such as depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD or bi-polar is very common affecting approximately 20% of mothers (and 10% of fathers and non-gestational parents) it is NOT normal.

I would like to share what differentiates the baby blues from a PMAD so in the event you or someone you care about is affected you will know when it’s time to reach out and get the right kind of help to feel better faster.

Baby Blues:

  • Transient mood shifts throughout the day marked by tearfulness or irritability

  • First 2 to 3 weeks (at most)

  • Influenced significantly by hormonal shifts and sleep deprivation

  • Does not significantly affect functioning

  • Affects 70-80% of new mothers

  • Not a mental health condition

  • Resolves itself over time

PMAD (Postpartum Depression or Anxiety):

  • Excessive sadness or worry most of the day for most days

  • Extends past the first couple of weeks

  • Impacts functioning for example, inability to sleep (even when baby sleeps), decreased appetite, unable to concentrate, decreased enjoyment in things

  • Scary, vivid and intrusive thoughts about harm coming to baby (both intentional or accidental)

  • Disconnection from or excessive clinginess to baby

  • Feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy, worthlessness and/or hopelessness (“Bad mother”)

  • Low or no motivation to complete even simple tasks

  • Just not feeling like yourself

  • Does not get better over time

If you or someone you know are experiencing the symptoms of a PMAD it is imperative you reach out to a medical or mental health provider to get the appropriate help. Prognosis for recovery is much better the quicker the symptoms are recognized and appropriately treated. If your provider tells you it’s “normal”, and just take a walk or get some more sleep and you still feel like something is just not right, keep reaching out until someone listens! A wonderful resource is the Postpartum Support International helpline at 1-800-944-4773. You can speak with someone who can get you connected with providers in your area that can get you the support you need.

If you are local to Syracuse or the Central New York area and think you may be suffering from Postpartum Depression, feel free to reach out to me through my website or call me at 315-552-0180. You are not alone and you can get better with help!